You Were Never Off Target
- Megs Crawford
- Jun 7
- 5 min read
What ADHD and hormones are actually doing to your symptoms every month.
A note before we get into it: this post is written for people with menstrual cycles. AND if that isn't you, stay with it. If you love someone who has one, partner with someone who does, or just want to show up better for the people in your life, this is worth understanding too.
Some weeks your brain shows up.
You get things done, you feel focused, you almost feel like one of those people who has it together. Tasks land. You can think straight. You feel, briefly, like maybe you've finally figured something out.
And then there are the other weeks.
The ones where you can barely get yourself out of the house. Where the laundry feels unsurmountable and the idea of making dinner makes you want to cry. Where you are exhausted and irritable and unkind to yourself in ways you wouldn't tolerate from anyone else. You've probably blamed yourself for that second kind of week. You've probably wondered if your medication stopped working, or if you're getting worse, or if you just don't have what it takes to manage this.
You're not inconsistent. ADHD and hormones are...
This week on the podcast I talked with Bailey Pilant, therapist, ADHD and autism advocate, and someone I'm genuinely honored to know. We talked about something most of us were never told about: the way our hormones move through the month is directly shaping how our ADHD shows up.
Estrogen Is Your Brain's Best Friend (and It Keeps Leaving)
Estrogen Is Your Brain's Best Friend (and It Keeps Leaving)
Here's the piece that hit me when Bailey explained it.
Estrogen works like a neuro-primer for your brain. It enhances your brain's ability to produce and absorb dopamine. So when estrogen is up, your ADHD symptoms are easier to manage. Things click a little better. Focus comes a little more naturally.
When estrogen drops? The opposite.
And here's what matters for us as women: our estrogen fluctuates throughout our cycle. Every single month. Not once. Not gradually over years. Every month.
So the brain you have during the first half of your cycle is operating with more dopamine support than the brain you have in the second half.
That sharp, capable feeling some weeks? That's not you finally being good at managing your ADHD. That's estrogen doing its job. The foggy, overwhelmed, can't-do-anything feeling? That's what happens when it drops.
This is not a personal failing. It is a hormonal pattern.
As we age, our estrogen production slowly declines. Which means our ADHD gets harder over time. Bailey mentioned that women with ADHD are also more likely to start perimenopause earlier, sometimes as young as 35, which means this shift can start happening before most of us even know to look for it.
Nobody told us any of this.
You're Not Getting Worse. You're Cycling.
The reason your ADHD symptoms feel like a moving target is because they are a moving target. Because the chemistry in your brain that determines how well your executive function works is legit changing throughout the month. Not because you're doing anything wrong. Not because your medication stopped working. Because you are a person with a menstrual cycle and a brain that is exquisitely sensitive to what that cycle is doing.
Bailey shared something on the episode I haven't been able to stop thinking about. She told me she now tells her husband at the start of the luteal phase: "Whoop, I'm heading into the luteal phase." That's their shorthand. She's saying: I know something harder is coming, and I'm looping you in before it arrives instead of spiraling alone after the fact.
She also talked about the litter box. Normally she does it every day. But during certain times in her cycle, the smell alone becomes intolerable. The task feels unsurmountable. It's not that she doesn't care. It's that her capacity for that specific sensory demand changes with her hormones. And now that she knows that, she asks her husband to take it during those days instead of white knuckling through it. She does the same thing with mirrors. On the days when her body is inflamed from hormonal shifts and nothing feels right, she turns them around. Not because she's avoiding herself. Because she knows that looking at herself on those days isn't useful.
AND that's the opportunity in knowing your pattern. The days when your tank is fuller become a chance to take care of the days when it won't be. Not because you have to predict everything. Because when you can see the harder days coming, you can meet yourself there with a little less to carry.
The Shame Underneath
I'll admit something here.
The week before my period, I am so much more unkind to myself. I get critical. I notice everything that isn't working. I spiral. My husband has pointed this out to me, and I'm grateful he has, because in those moments I'm not looking for a pattern. I'm looking for a culprit. And usually I find one. Usually it's me.
Maybe that's familiar to you too.
What I'm learning is that when the harshness shows up, it's not telling me something true. It's telling me something hormonal.
And those are different things. The critical voice that arrives ten days before my period is not a reliable narrator of my capabilities.
You are not broken. You are cycling, and your brain is responding to it, and nobody taught you that was happening.
What This Can Actually Look Like
Bailey talked about experiments. About tracking her hormones with an at home monitor and building a picture over time of when she's more energized, when she needs more support, when to order from her favorite restaurant instead of trying to cook, when to ask for help instead of pushing through alone.
The invitation here is not to immediately overhaul everything. It's just to start noticing.
Does your focus sharpen in the first half of your cycle? Does your patience thin out before your period? Do you hit a wall every month around the same time and not know why?
That data belongs to you. And having it changes what you can ask for, from yourself and from the people around you.
You cannot expect yourself to show up the same way every single day. And the good news is that understanding your biology isn't about having a perfect plan. It's about having a little more compassion for the version of yourself who shows up on the hard days.
And we all deserve that.
One Small Thing
For the next month, write down one word about how you're feeling every morning. At the end of the month, look at it. See if there's a pattern.
That's it. That's the whole experiment.
Want to hear the whole conversation with Bailey?
If you're doing this work and you want company while you do it, that's exactly what The Circle is for. A community of people who are figuring out how to support themselves, together.
And if you want to go deeper on understanding your own brain with one on one support, learn more about coaching here.
Sending a little extra grace for whatever part of your cycle you're in right now.
Megs
Megs is a certified ADHD coach, podcast host, and real-life organizing human behind Organizing an ADHD Brain. Through honest stories and gentle strategies, she helps people find clarity in the chaos—on their own terms.
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